I know it’s been a long time since I have posted, June to be exact, but please let me explain. I had to mentally take a “Time Out” and reflect on myself and what has happened in the past with the news of never carrying my own child. I was to the point where I was envious and mad at every person who announced a pregnancy, or birth. It really didn’t matter who the person was, it was some of my closest friends, family or even strangers, it all felt the same…. I felt like I would never be able to feel what they are now feeling. I even took these feelings of resentment to the point where it kept me from my friend’s baby shower, i emotionally couldn’t go and be happy for her. As i think about it now i know it was very selfish of me, i should have went and been happy for her and her husband, but i couldn’t. The one baby shower i attended i acted very happy, and truly i was for her, but i also was an emotional ball of sadness on the inside as i would smile and congratulate her! I just kept thinking, this isn’t fair…
So with all of this anger and sadness i had to step back and think about my next step. I couldn’t keep going with the way i was feeling, so i stepped back and decided i need to focus on me and do something different. I talked with my husband and I decided the next step was to join a church so i could let go and let God into my life. I needed to rebuild my relationship with him so i could better understand his path for me. I started going to an amazing church near me and have been working on myself since. I have realized that other people and their happiness isn’t something to be mad or sad about, but to rejoice with them and let it fuel my fire to continue on with our adoption journey! To see the love my friends and family have for their children makes me so excited to one day have a little boy/girl in my life to love unconditionally!
Clayton and I both agree it’s time to light our fire and get this adoption process going! So with that we again contacted our adoption agency and started the process to meet with them and go about the necessary steps. First, we are meeting with the agency to talk about what option best suits us, international or domestic? Well, I submitted our international preliminary application and because of my medical issues we only qualify for four countries: South Africa, Ethiopia, Uganda, and Bulgaria. Clayton and I have some deciding to do about what option is the right choice for us.
I have had a lot of questions about whether we would foster to adopt a child, and the answer is yes, if it was a good fit with us. Clayton and i have decided that we are open to adopt a little boy or girl who ranged from infant to around 3 years old. We do not want to miss out on all the firsts of being parents. With me not being able to experience being pregnant I want to experience my child’s firsts… I want to be able to post an obnoxious amount of photos and statuses about what he/she just did! We also want the child to be able to transition into our life without a lot of complications or emotional scars. I know a child who is put up for adoption may have these attached to them, but i pray for a smooth transition.
We are back on this journey and can’t wait to share it with all of you! Stay tuned for the next chronicle in our adventure story for our Future Baby Bowar ❤