Road Blocks & Decisions

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November 11th… The day Clayton and I had one of our final meetings with Bethany Christian Services before we whole-heartedly started the adoption process with doing our paperwork, profile book and starting to come up with how we were going to fund this process. We sat down in the office with one of the ladies we have been talking to, Melissa and started to ask the final questions we had. Melissa also asked us some questions regarding how my MS was doing and how we felt with my feelings towards the adoption. I told her my MS was like it always has been, rocky at times but usually stable! We also told her how excited and nervous we were about continuing the adoption process and going forward with everything. She was so happy with us saying this, but had some eye-opening truths to tell us. Here is what she told us in a nutshell:

  • With my MS I would have to disclose how stable my MS has been since being diagnosed. Each birth-mom/parents would know right away that i have this disease. This isn’t a problem for me, i am not shy with people knowing i have this illness. However, Melissa put it into perspective for us – The birth parents/mother get to choose who their child goes to, would she/they choose a family who is fully healthy or would they choose us? Maybe they would choose us, but honestly if i was giving my child up for adoption i would want the best and healthiest choice to raise my child. I know this isn’t how i should look at it but it’s the cold-hard truth!!
  • For those of you who don’t know Clayton works for John Morrells in Sioux Falls as a electrical engineer and works 6-7 days a week. For all of you who love your Bacon, thank my husband! Haha! Anyways, Clayton asked if his job and hours will affect our adoption. Well, it will… It will possibly cause us to not pass our home study. Melissa told us that to pass the home study she would need to know how Clayton will make up for not being home and attach with the child.
  • Another thing Melissa shared is that the adoption rate is not what is used to be, not even 5 years ago. She said this is because:
    • Teen-mom/parents are more accepted in our community now more then ever before. 5 years ago parents urged their young teen moms that adopting their children out was the best option for the child. Now, parents are willing to help their kids raise the babies. I am not against this, but it has drastically decreased the kids needing to be adopted(infant wise).
    • International-countries are now choosing to close their doors for any other country to adopt their children. The countries are wanting to do in-country adoption only and keep these kids where they were born. This has been making adoption internationally decrease and those couples who cannot adopt internationally choose domestic adoption in the United States as their only option.
    • Lastly, abortion is more readily available and the Plan-B after pill is now over-the-counter instead of needing a doctors prescription to obtain it. These two options mean the children never enter this world, no chance for adoption. I am pro-choice and agree it is the mom’s choice what she decides to do.

Clayton and I am very glad Melissa was so open and truthful about how hard adoption is going to be for us with my MS and Clayton’s work schedule and how the rate for kids going up for is so much lower now then ever before and will continue to go in that direction. This information opened up a lot of questions for Clayton and I. Do we continue with the adoption knowing how hard and stressful it will be on us both emotionally and financially without knowing if we will ever be chosen? Or do we remove my birth control and see what God has in store for us in the future with our own child knowing the risks of a pregnancy? Clayton and I talked things over and weighed all of our options and chose the one that we both felt was the right option in our hearts – We chose to place our future in God’s hands and take out my birth control and try for our own child. We both know the risks involved in me becoming pregnant but i also know that this is what i want to do with my body. I want to chance all the risks i know i COULD face and try for my own child. However, Clayton and i decided that this time would be different then the last. This time i will try to make everything stress-free and not worry about whether we are doing everything right and if my fertility will get in the way with us becoming parents. We also made sure to let all of my doctors know our decision and that they are on board with it. My OB/GYN and Neurologist have told me they are nervous about everything but want me to follow my heart and do what i believe is right.

Ever since we made this decision all i feel is peace. I feel this is the right decision for us and God will do what he has planned for us. I have had dreams of becoming pregnant since making this decision and it only excites me, it doesn’t scare me like it used to. I am ready to see what the next chapter holds for Clayton and I, and i can’t wait to tell you all when they happen!

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We’re Back!!

waiting-for-you I know it’s been a long time since I have posted, June to be exact, but please let me explain. I had to mentally take a “Time Out” and reflect on myself and what has happened in the past with the news of never carrying my own child. I was to the point where I was envious and mad at every person who announced a pregnancy, or birth. It really didn’t matter who the person was, it was some of my closest friends, family or even strangers, it all felt the same…. I felt like I would never be able to feel what they are now feeling. I even took these feelings of resentment to the point where it kept me from my friend’s baby shower, i emotionally couldn’t go and be happy for her. As i think about it now i know it was very selfish of me, i should have went and been happy for her and her husband, but i couldn’t. The one baby shower i attended i acted very happy, and truly i was for her, but i also was an emotional ball of sadness on the inside as i would smile and congratulate her! I just kept thinking, this isn’t fair…

So with all of this anger and sadness i had to step back and think about my next step. I couldn’t keep going with the way i was feeling, so i stepped back and decided i need to focus on me and do something different. I talked with my husband and I decided the next step was to join a church so i could let go and let God into my life. I needed to rebuild my relationship with him so i could better understand his path for me. I started going to an amazing church near me and have been working on myself since. I have realized that other people and their happiness isn’t something to be mad or sad about, but to rejoice with them and let it fuel my fire to continue on with our adoption journey! To see the love my friends and family have for their children makes me so excited to one day have a little boy/girl in my life to love unconditionally!

Clayton and I both agree it’s time to light our fire and get this adoption process going! So with that we again contacted our adoption agency and started the process to meet with them and go about the necessary steps. First, we are meeting with the agency to talk about what option best suits us, international or domestic? Well, I submitted our international preliminary application and because of my medical issues we only qualify for four countries: South Africa, Ethiopia, Uganda, and Bulgaria. Clayton and I have some deciding to do about what option is the right choice for us.

I have had a lot of questions about whether we would foster to adopt a child, and the answer is yes, if it was a good fit with us. Clayton and i have decided that we are open to adopt a little boy or girl who ranged from infant to around 3 years old. We do not want to miss out on all the firsts of being parents. With me not being able to experience being pregnant I want to experience my child’s firsts… I want to be able to post an obnoxious amount of photos and statuses about what he/she just did! We also want the child to be able to transition into our life without a lot of complications or emotional scars. I know a child who is put up for adoption may have these attached to them, but i pray for a smooth transition.

We are back on this journey and can’t wait to share it with all of you! Stay tuned for the next chronicle in our adventure story for our Future Baby Bowar ❤

You Are “Lucky”

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“You are so lucky!”… These four words have come out of so many people’s mouths since we have found out i cannot carry a child in my own body. I’m lucky? How am I lucky? Let me list the reasons some people think i’m lucky:

  • “You are so lucky that you won’t ever have to experience morning sickness.” OK i totally understand this isn’t a glamorous part of pregnancy BUT I would give anything to be sick every morning(or whenever it happens) and know my hormones are changing because i have a baby inside of me!
  • “You are so lucky that you won’t have to go through the pain of labor.” Well Clayton will be glad i won’t be yelling at him through labor, haha! However, no pain is painful enough to not want to go through labor, even a c-section. To know YOU gave birth to your child, pain and all, what an experience to be able to go through.
  • “You are so lucky that you won’t get excessive heartburn.” I have had heartburn, yeah it sucks, but it is a thing i would have in a heartbeat! When i was trying to conceive i got heartburn every once in a while and would get excited because MAYBE this was it, MAYBE I was finally pregnant! Turns out i ate something that didn’t agree with me…
  • “You are so lucky that you won’t gain the “baby weight.” Being overweight most of my life and loosing weight, i know i would be able to handle gaining the baby weight! I would make sure my pregnancy was a healthy one and i wouldn’t “Eat for two.” Even though i’m not pregnant i still gain weight, and loose it, it will always be a battle!

So what do i do when people say these things? I don’t get mad, and try not to let it bother me. I do tell them i would give anything to know what the negative aspects of pregnancy would be like! The two things that make me so sad and mad about being infertile and not able to carry my own child are:

  1. Not ever knowing what feeling a baby inside of me would feel like. I’ve felt kicks of both my sister’s children and my friend’s kids. However, i can’t image what the kicks, flutters, hiccups, punches, etc. would feel like in my own stomach. What an amazing feeling it must be! The connection a mother and child have before he/she is even born. It truly makes me jealous…
  2. Not being able to surprise my husband with him becoming a father. Yes, when we adopt a child Clayton will become a father. However, he will know the same information when I do. I always wanted to come up with a sweet, intimate way to tell my husband he is going to be a father after I found out i was pregnant! I know many women have thought about the same things. I am so excited for the moment we are both told we will become parents to our future little boy or girl!!! ❤

This blog post isn’t for me to make anyone pity me. It’s to let people know, I’m not lucky to not have to go through these things! I am lucky to be healthy and to be able to adopt a lucky little girl or boy though!! I really cannot wait to be a mother, to hold my precious child in my arms and feel the love and connection i know i will have for him/her! Before you tell someone they’re lucky, think about how it may affect them, they may not think the same way you do!