November 11th… The day Clayton and I had one of our final meetings with Bethany Christian Services before we whole-heartedly started the adoption process with doing our paperwork, profile book and starting to come up with how we were going to fund this process. We sat down in the office with one of the ladies we have been talking to, Melissa and started to ask the final questions we had. Melissa also asked us some questions regarding how my MS was doing and how we felt with my feelings towards the adoption. I told her my MS was like it always has been, rocky at times but usually stable! We also told her how excited and nervous we were about continuing the adoption process and going forward with everything. She was so happy with us saying this, but had some eye-opening truths to tell us. Here is what she told us in a nutshell:
- With my MS I would have to disclose how stable my MS has been since being diagnosed. Each birth-mom/parents would know right away that i have this disease. This isn’t a problem for me, i am not shy with people knowing i have this illness. However, Melissa put it into perspective for us – The birth parents/mother get to choose who their child goes to, would she/they choose a family who is fully healthy or would they choose us? Maybe they would choose us, but honestly if i was giving my child up for adoption i would want the best and healthiest choice to raise my child. I know this isn’t how i should look at it but it’s the cold-hard truth!!
- For those of you who don’t know Clayton works for John Morrells in Sioux Falls as a electrical engineer and works 6-7 days a week. For all of you who love your Bacon, thank my husband! Haha! Anyways, Clayton asked if his job and hours will affect our adoption. Well, it will… It will possibly cause us to not pass our home study. Melissa told us that to pass the home study she would need to know how Clayton will make up for not being home and attach with the child.
- Another thing Melissa shared is that the adoption rate is not what is used to be, not even 5 years ago. She said this is because:
- Teen-mom/parents are more accepted in our community now more then ever before. 5 years ago parents urged their young teen moms that adopting their children out was the best option for the child. Now, parents are willing to help their kids raise the babies. I am not against this, but it has drastically decreased the kids needing to be adopted(infant wise).
- International-countries are now choosing to close their doors for any other country to adopt their children. The countries are wanting to do in-country adoption only and keep these kids where they were born. This has been making adoption internationally decrease and those couples who cannot adopt internationally choose domestic adoption in the United States as their only option.
- Lastly, abortion is more readily available and the Plan-B after pill is now over-the-counter instead of needing a doctors prescription to obtain it. These two options mean the children never enter this world, no chance for adoption. I am pro-choice and agree it is the mom’s choice what she decides to do.
Clayton and I am very glad Melissa was so open and truthful about how hard adoption is going to be for us with my MS and Clayton’s work schedule and how the rate for kids going up for is so much lower now then ever before and will continue to go in that direction. This information opened up a lot of questions for Clayton and I. Do we continue with the adoption knowing how hard and stressful it will be on us both emotionally and financially without knowing if we will ever be chosen? Or do we remove my birth control and see what God has in store for us in the future with our own child knowing the risks of a pregnancy? Clayton and I talked things over and weighed all of our options and chose the one that we both felt was the right option in our hearts – We chose to place our future in God’s hands and take out my birth control and try for our own child. We both know the risks involved in me becoming pregnant but i also know that this is what i want to do with my body. I want to chance all the risks i know i COULD face and try for my own child. However, Clayton and i decided that this time would be different then the last. This time i will try to make everything stress-free and not worry about whether we are doing everything right and if my fertility will get in the way with us becoming parents. We also made sure to let all of my doctors know our decision and that they are on board with it. My OB/GYN and Neurologist have told me they are nervous about everything but want me to follow my heart and do what i believe is right.
Ever since we made this decision all i feel is peace. I feel this is the right decision for us and God will do what he has planned for us. I have had dreams of becoming pregnant since making this decision and it only excites me, it doesn’t scare me like it used to. I am ready to see what the next chapter holds for Clayton and I, and i can’t wait to tell you all when they happen!
I know it’s been a long time since I have posted, June to be exact, but please let me explain. I had to mentally take a “Time Out” and reflect on myself and what has happened in the past with the news of never carrying my own child. I was to the point where I was envious and mad at every person who announced a pregnancy, or birth. It really didn’t matter who the person was, it was some of my closest friends, family or even strangers, it all felt the same…. I felt like I would never be able to feel what they are now feeling. I even took these feelings of resentment to the point where it kept me from my friend’s baby shower, i emotionally couldn’t go and be happy for her. As i think about it now i know it was very selfish of me, i should have went and been happy for her and her husband, but i couldn’t. The one baby shower i attended i acted very happy, and truly i was for her, but i also was an emotional ball of sadness on the inside as i would smile and congratulate her! I just kept thinking, this isn’t fair…
So with all of this anger and sadness i had to step back and think about my next step. I couldn’t keep going with the way i was feeling, so i stepped back and decided i need to focus on me and do something different. I talked with my husband and I decided the next step was to join a church so i could let go and let God into my life. I needed to rebuild my relationship with him so i could better understand his path for me. I started going to an amazing church near me and have been working on myself since. I have realized that other people and their happiness isn’t something to be mad or sad about, but to rejoice with them and let it fuel my fire to continue on with our adoption journey! To see the love my friends and family have for their children makes me so excited to one day have a little boy/girl in my life to love unconditionally!
Clayton and I both agree it’s time to light our fire and get this adoption process going! So with that we again contacted our adoption agency and started the process to meet with them and go about the necessary steps. First, we are meeting with the agency to talk about what option best suits us, international or domestic? Well, I submitted our international preliminary application and because of my medical issues we only qualify for four countries: South Africa, Ethiopia, Uganda, and Bulgaria. Clayton and I have some deciding to do about what option is the right choice for us.
I have had a lot of questions about whether we would foster to adopt a child, and the answer is yes, if it was a good fit with us. Clayton and i have decided that we are open to adopt a little boy or girl who ranged from infant to around 3 years old. We do not want to miss out on all the firsts of being parents. With me not being able to experience being pregnant I want to experience my child’s firsts… I want to be able to post an obnoxious amount of photos and statuses about what he/she just did! We also want the child to be able to transition into our life without a lot of complications or emotional scars. I know a child who is put up for adoption may have these attached to them, but i pray for a smooth transition.
We are back on this journey and can’t wait to share it with all of you! Stay tuned for the next chronicle in our adventure story for our Future Baby Bowar ❤
“You are so lucky!”… These four words have come out of so many people’s mouths since we have found out i cannot carry a child in my own body. I’m lucky? How am I lucky? Let me list the reasons some people think i’m lucky:
- “You are so lucky that you won’t ever have to experience morning sickness.” OK i totally understand this isn’t a glamorous part of pregnancy BUT I would give anything to be sick every morning(or whenever it happens) and know my hormones are changing because i have a baby inside of me!
- “You are so lucky that you won’t have to go through the pain of labor.” Well Clayton will be glad i won’t be yelling at him through labor, haha! However, no pain is painful enough to not want to go through labor, even a c-section. To know YOU gave birth to your child, pain and all, what an experience to be able to go through.
- “You are so lucky that you won’t get excessive heartburn.” I have had heartburn, yeah it sucks, but it is a thing i would have in a heartbeat! When i was trying to conceive i got heartburn every once in a while and would get excited because MAYBE this was it, MAYBE I was finally pregnant! Turns out i ate something that didn’t agree with me…
- “You are so lucky that you won’t gain the “baby weight.” Being overweight most of my life and loosing weight, i know i would be able to handle gaining the baby weight! I would make sure my pregnancy was a healthy one and i wouldn’t “Eat for two.” Even though i’m not pregnant i still gain weight, and loose it, it will always be a battle!
So what do i do when people say these things? I don’t get mad, and try not to let it bother me. I do tell them i would give anything to know what the negative aspects of pregnancy would be like! The two things that make me so sad and mad about being infertile and not able to carry my own child are:
- Not ever knowing what feeling a baby inside of me would feel like. I’ve felt kicks of both my sister’s children and my friend’s kids. However, i can’t image what the kicks, flutters, hiccups, punches, etc. would feel like in my own stomach. What an amazing feeling it must be! The connection a mother and child have before he/she is even born. It truly makes me jealous…
- Not being able to surprise my husband with him becoming a father. Yes, when we adopt a child Clayton will become a father. However, he will know the same information when I do. I always wanted to come up with a sweet, intimate way to tell my husband he is going to be a father after I found out i was pregnant! I know many women have thought about the same things. I am so excited for the moment we are both told we will become parents to our future little boy or girl!!! ❤
This blog post isn’t for me to make anyone pity me. It’s to let people know, I’m not lucky to not have to go through these things! I am lucky to be healthy and to be able to adopt a lucky little girl or boy though!! I really cannot wait to be a mother, to hold my precious child in my arms and feel the love and connection i know i will have for him/her! Before you tell someone they’re lucky, think about how it may affect them, they may not think the same way you do!
The questions we get asked a lot: “When are you two going to start having babies?” Or, “Do you have kids?” These questions brings up so many emotions which include anger and sadness. Most people who ask would have no clue what Clayton and I are going through and others simply forget what we are going through. I cannot be mad at anyone for asking these questions, it’s natural people want to know. This post is to clarify some questions people have as to why Clayton and I are choosing to go down the adoption path.
At the age of 13 I(Laura) was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome(PCOS for short) and was told by my doctor at that young age that it would be very tough for me to have kids. Well, I was 13 i really didn’t care at that time that it “Might” be hard for me to have kids, i was a kid myself! Many women have this disease and have many kids, it affects everyone differently. My ovaries are filled with fluid-filled cysts and solid cysts which cause the body to not ovulate when it should. I would typically go 6-10 months without having a period and would get intense pain when these cysts would rupture.
When i was 21 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis(MS). MS usually does not play a factor with becoming pregnant or cause any pregnancy issues. Usually when pregnant with MS the person will feel better, and symptoms clear up. Only after the delivery do problems, or relapses, occur from over-exertion and stress. With me I have several relapses a year, which clear up with time and medication. I take an injection called Rebif to help with my disease. It helps with my MS and keeps me very active!
Now on to more of our story.
Clayton and I decided that before our second wedding(our vow-renewal) we wanted my IUD taken out and for us to start trying to have our first child! I was so excited to start and become pregnant! Months went by without anything happening, my OB/GYN wanted us to try for 6-months and if nothing happened then we would take the next step. My neurologist allowed me to be off my shots for 6-months while we try to have a child. My neurologist was weary for me to be off my meds but wanted me to be drug free if i became pregnant. 4-months into trying to conceive a baby I relapsed with my MS and was put back on my shots, i could not stay off of them while trying. If i became pregnant i could then stop my injections. By month 6 i was eager to get help, i was wanting to be pregnant and become a mother, for us to become parents. My OB/GYN had me run through many different tests: Blood tests, Ultrasounds, Hysterosalpingogram(to check my tubes), ovulation tests. She also had Clayton do a semen analysis. Every test came back fine, just fine… we chose to keep trying and let God decide when it was right! 2 years into trying to conceive we still were not pregnant. I was now told i’m infertile and most likely the only way to conceive would be through IVF. However, my doctors(OB/GYN and Neurologist) were urging me to go to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist for a 3rd opinion as to if having our own child is the best option. I met with the specialist and was told that with what my OB/GYN and Neurologist has told him about my history I should think about adoption or surrogacy. It was my own decision on to whether or not to have a child naturally but would not be able to go off of my MS medication(they can be harmful to the fetus and most are not tested on). Clayton and I do not want to play Russian Roulette with our child. He explained that with the stress of IVF treatments, and carrying the child he is nervous that my day-to-day level of function would deteriorate. He looked me in the eye and asked, “Do you want to be able to play with your kids, walk, or care for them?” Of coarse i do! We made the toughest decision in our lives so far, but came to the conclusion that God has a child for us somewhere and when we meet him or her I will be healthy enough to care for them like he/she deserves!! My health is very important to me, as is becoming a mother. Please, do not think i am choosing myself over a child with Clayton, he agrees 100% with the decisions we have made. Adoption is God’s plan for us, i can feel it in my heart! If there are any questions I would be happy to answer them! ❤
Welcome to our blog! This blog is about us and our journey to complete our family with a baby boy or girl <3!! Please feel free to comment, like and share this page with your family and friends! We are just starting out on this journey and are excited and nervous to see it unravel in front of us! We are also excited to share our journey through this with our family, friends, and whoever may stumble on this blog!
Clayton and I met on the internet on a dating website. From the moment we wrote back and forth, and then started texting, we knew there was something special happening between us! We took things slowly just getting to know each other. We would spend hours talking on the phone or texting one another. Our first date was to Falls Park in Sioux Falls and from there on we were inseparable. We became “official” on June 20th, 2010. During this time we got to know each other even more, and fall in-love with one another. 3 months into our relationship Laura became ill and Clayton proved how much he loved her by driving all the way to the Twin Cities, proving he was not going anywhere. From there on their relationship only continued to blossom into what seemed to be a fairytale love story. On June 21st, 2011 Laura woke up to a ring on her finger and Clayton asking her to marry him. “I wanted you to wake up to a bright new future.” How could she not say yes? We got married on August 20th, 2012 with our families around us in Watertown, SD. We also had a vow-renewal on October 5th, 2013 with our friends and family together in one place. We were lucky enough to wed one another twice, with more love for each other as the days past.
We now are home-owners and have two amazing dogs, Lilly and Greta!! Life is great, however, we are wanting to become parents to make it complete!
Hello, I’m Laura Bowar. I am 26 years young. I am a Registered Nurse at Avera McKennan in Sioux Falls, SD. I enjoy spending time with my husband and our two dogs, Lilly and Greta. I am a very energetic and goal-driven individual. I have always had a motherly instinct and I cannot wait to welcome a little boy or girl into my heart and life! Family is so important to me, without them i would not have grown into the woman i have become! I also love to draw, spend time outside, workout, travel, and i recently started gardening(flowers and vegetables.) I am from a small town in South Western MN called Granite Falls. My parents have raised me to be such an amazing young woman, i cannot wait to pass this on to my children in the future! I know God will bring the right child into our lives!
Hi, I’m Clayton Bowar. I am 31 years young. I am a Electrician at John Morrells in Sioux Falls. I also enjoy spending time with my family. I am very interested in doing photography, woodworking, home-improvements, and spending time with family and friends. I am from a small town in Northern South Dakota called Cresbard. I love going home and helping my parents on the farm, I would love to do that later down the road. My family is such a huge part of my life, I cannot wait to become a father to a special little boy or girl!