November 11th… The day Clayton and I had one of our final meetings with Bethany Christian Services before we whole-heartedly started the adoption process with doing our paperwork, profile book and starting to come up with how we were going to fund this process. We sat down in the office with one of the ladies we have been talking to, Melissa and started to ask the final questions we had. Melissa also asked us some questions regarding how my MS was doing and how we felt with my feelings towards the adoption. I told her my MS was like it always has been, rocky at times but usually stable! We also told her how excited and nervous we were about continuing the adoption process and going forward with everything. She was so happy with us saying this, but had some eye-opening truths to tell us. Here is what she told us in a nutshell:
- With my MS I would have to disclose how stable my MS has been since being diagnosed. Each birth-mom/parents would know right away that i have this disease. This isn’t a problem for me, i am not shy with people knowing i have this illness. However, Melissa put it into perspective for us – The birth parents/mother get to choose who their child goes to, would she/they choose a family who is fully healthy or would they choose us? Maybe they would choose us, but honestly if i was giving my child up for adoption i would want the best and healthiest choice to raise my child. I know this isn’t how i should look at it but it’s the cold-hard truth!!
- For those of you who don’t know Clayton works for John Morrells in Sioux Falls as a electrical engineer and works 6-7 days a week. For all of you who love your Bacon, thank my husband! Haha! Anyways, Clayton asked if his job and hours will affect our adoption. Well, it will… It will possibly cause us to not pass our home study. Melissa told us that to pass the home study she would need to know how Clayton will make up for not being home and attach with the child.
- Another thing Melissa shared is that the adoption rate is not what is used to be, not even 5 years ago. She said this is because:
- Teen-mom/parents are more accepted in our community now more then ever before. 5 years ago parents urged their young teen moms that adopting their children out was the best option for the child. Now, parents are willing to help their kids raise the babies. I am not against this, but it has drastically decreased the kids needing to be adopted(infant wise).
- International-countries are now choosing to close their doors for any other country to adopt their children. The countries are wanting to do in-country adoption only and keep these kids where they were born. This has been making adoption internationally decrease and those couples who cannot adopt internationally choose domestic adoption in the United States as their only option.
- Lastly, abortion is more readily available and the Plan-B after pill is now over-the-counter instead of needing a doctors prescription to obtain it. These two options mean the children never enter this world, no chance for adoption. I am pro-choice and agree it is the mom’s choice what she decides to do.
Clayton and I am very glad Melissa was so open and truthful about how hard adoption is going to be for us with my MS and Clayton’s work schedule and how the rate for kids going up for is so much lower now then ever before and will continue to go in that direction. This information opened up a lot of questions for Clayton and I. Do we continue with the adoption knowing how hard and stressful it will be on us both emotionally and financially without knowing if we will ever be chosen? Or do we remove my birth control and see what God has in store for us in the future with our own child knowing the risks of a pregnancy? Clayton and I talked things over and weighed all of our options and chose the one that we both felt was the right option in our hearts – We chose to place our future in God’s hands and take out my birth control and try for our own child. We both know the risks involved in me becoming pregnant but i also know that this is what i want to do with my body. I want to chance all the risks i know i COULD face and try for my own child. However, Clayton and i decided that this time would be different then the last. This time i will try to make everything stress-free and not worry about whether we are doing everything right and if my fertility will get in the way with us becoming parents. We also made sure to let all of my doctors know our decision and that they are on board with it. My OB/GYN and Neurologist have told me they are nervous about everything but want me to follow my heart and do what i believe is right.
Ever since we made this decision all i feel is peace. I feel this is the right decision for us and God will do what he has planned for us. I have had dreams of becoming pregnant since making this decision and it only excites me, it doesn’t scare me like it used to. I am ready to see what the next chapter holds for Clayton and I, and i can’t wait to tell you all when they happen!