You Are “Lucky”

Negative-Pregnancy-Tests

“You are so lucky!”… These four words have come out of so many people’s mouths since we have found out i cannot carry a child in my own body. I’m lucky? How am I lucky? Let me list the reasons some people think i’m lucky:

  • “You are so lucky that you won’t ever have to experience morning sickness.” OK i totally understand this isn’t a glamorous part of pregnancy BUT I would give anything to be sick every morning(or whenever it happens) and know my hormones are changing because i have a baby inside of me!
  • “You are so lucky that you won’t have to go through the pain of labor.” Well Clayton will be glad i won’t be yelling at him through labor, haha! However, no pain is painful enough to not want to go through labor, even a c-section. To know YOU gave birth to your child, pain and all, what an experience to be able to go through.
  • “You are so lucky that you won’t get excessive heartburn.” I have had heartburn, yeah it sucks, but it is a thing i would have in a heartbeat! When i was trying to conceive i got heartburn every once in a while and would get excited because MAYBE this was it, MAYBE I was finally pregnant! Turns out i ate something that didn’t agree with me…
  • “You are so lucky that you won’t gain the “baby weight.” Being overweight most of my life and loosing weight, i know i would be able to handle gaining the baby weight! I would make sure my pregnancy was a healthy one and i wouldn’t “Eat for two.” Even though i’m not pregnant i still gain weight, and loose it, it will always be a battle!

So what do i do when people say these things? I don’t get mad, and try not to let it bother me. I do tell them i would give anything to know what the negative aspects of pregnancy would be like! The two things that make me so sad and mad about being infertile and not able to carry my own child are:

  1. Not ever knowing what feeling a baby inside of me would feel like. I’ve felt kicks of both my sister’s children and my friend’s kids. However, i can’t image what the kicks, flutters, hiccups, punches, etc. would feel like in my own stomach. What an amazing feeling it must be! The connection a mother and child have before he/she is even born. It truly makes me jealous…
  2. Not being able to surprise my husband with him becoming a father. Yes, when we adopt a child Clayton will become a father. However, he will know the same information when I do. I always wanted to come up with a sweet, intimate way to tell my husband he is going to be a father after I found out i was pregnant! I know many women have thought about the same things. I am so excited for the moment we are both told we will become parents to our future little boy or girl!!! ❤

This blog post isn’t for me to make anyone pity me. It’s to let people know, I’m not lucky to not have to go through these things! I am lucky to be healthy and to be able to adopt a lucky little girl or boy though!! I really cannot wait to be a mother, to hold my precious child in my arms and feel the love and connection i know i will have for him/her! Before you tell someone they’re lucky, think about how it may affect them, they may not think the same way you do!

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4 thoughts on “You Are “Lucky”

  1. Being pregnant is a special experience, true, and you have every right to grieve. I wanted to just share these thoughts to hopefully encourage you: the pregnancy lasts nine months but the parenting is for a lifetime. The real fun begins once the baby is born! Not experiencing pregnancy will never make you less of a parent, less of a mommy, or less of a woman. It’s just the pregnancy part you won’t have, and it’s fleeting. Although I carried our son, learning it would be my last was an adjustment and it was sad. I eventually accepted that if we were blessed with more kids, they would not be born from me and I can honestly say I’m fine, even better than fine, after processing that. You will be too, just give yourself the space to mourn this loss so you can then get excited about the good stuff!

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  2. I had an unwanted hysterectomy and I get the “you are so lucky” comments a lot. So lucky I have no more periods. So lucky I don’t have to deal with bloating. So lucky I never have to be pregnant again. Nevermind the fact that I wanted more children and that I never consented to the surgery. People say stupid things because they honestly don’t know what else to say. Their attempts to be positive come off as grossly insensitive.

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