“You are so lucky!”… These four words have come out of so many people’s mouths since we have found out i cannot carry a child in my own body. I’m lucky? How am I lucky? Let me list the reasons some people think i’m lucky:
- “You are so lucky that you won’t ever have to experience morning sickness.” OK i totally understand this isn’t a glamorous part of pregnancy BUT I would give anything to be sick every morning(or whenever it happens) and know my hormones are changing because i have a baby inside of me!
- “You are so lucky that you won’t have to go through the pain of labor.” Well Clayton will be glad i won’t be yelling at him through labor, haha! However, no pain is painful enough to not want to go through labor, even a c-section. To know YOU gave birth to your child, pain and all, what an experience to be able to go through.
- “You are so lucky that you won’t get excessive heartburn.” I have had heartburn, yeah it sucks, but it is a thing i would have in a heartbeat! When i was trying to conceive i got heartburn every once in a while and would get excited because MAYBE this was it, MAYBE I was finally pregnant! Turns out i ate something that didn’t agree with me…
- “You are so lucky that you won’t gain the “baby weight.” Being overweight most of my life and loosing weight, i know i would be able to handle gaining the baby weight! I would make sure my pregnancy was a healthy one and i wouldn’t “Eat for two.” Even though i’m not pregnant i still gain weight, and loose it, it will always be a battle!
So what do i do when people say these things? I don’t get mad, and try not to let it bother me. I do tell them i would give anything to know what the negative aspects of pregnancy would be like! The two things that make me so sad and mad about being infertile and not able to carry my own child are:
- Not ever knowing what feeling a baby inside of me would feel like. I’ve felt kicks of both my sister’s children and my friend’s kids. However, i can’t image what the kicks, flutters, hiccups, punches, etc. would feel like in my own stomach. What an amazing feeling it must be! The connection a mother and child have before he/she is even born. It truly makes me jealous…
- Not being able to surprise my husband with him becoming a father. Yes, when we adopt a child Clayton will become a father. However, he will know the same information when I do. I always wanted to come up with a sweet, intimate way to tell my husband he is going to be a father after I found out i was pregnant! I know many women have thought about the same things. I am so excited for the moment we are both told we will become parents to our future little boy or girl!!! ❤
This blog post isn’t for me to make anyone pity me. It’s to let people know, I’m not lucky to not have to go through these things! I am lucky to be healthy and to be able to adopt a lucky little girl or boy though!! I really cannot wait to be a mother, to hold my precious child in my arms and feel the love and connection i know i will have for him/her! Before you tell someone they’re lucky, think about how it may affect them, they may not think the same way you do!
The questions we get asked a lot: “When are you two going to start having babies?” Or, “Do you have kids?” These questions brings up so many emotions which include anger and sadness. Most people who ask would have no clue what Clayton and I are going through and others simply forget what we are going through. I cannot be mad at anyone for asking these questions, it’s natural people want to know. This post is to clarify some questions people have as to why Clayton and I are choosing to go down the adoption path.
At the age of 13 I(Laura) was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome(PCOS for short) and was told by my doctor at that young age that it would be very tough for me to have kids. Well, I was 13 i really didn’t care at that time that it “Might” be hard for me to have kids, i was a kid myself! Many women have this disease and have many kids, it affects everyone differently. My ovaries are filled with fluid-filled cysts and solid cysts which cause the body to not ovulate when it should. I would typically go 6-10 months without having a period and would get intense pain when these cysts would rupture.
When i was 21 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis(MS). MS usually does not play a factor with becoming pregnant or cause any pregnancy issues. Usually when pregnant with MS the person will feel better, and symptoms clear up. Only after the delivery do problems, or relapses, occur from over-exertion and stress. With me I have several relapses a year, which clear up with time and medication. I take an injection called Rebif to help with my disease. It helps with my MS and keeps me very active!
Now on to more of our story.
Clayton and I decided that before our second wedding(our vow-renewal) we wanted my IUD taken out and for us to start trying to have our first child! I was so excited to start and become pregnant! Months went by without anything happening, my OB/GYN wanted us to try for 6-months and if nothing happened then we would take the next step. My neurologist allowed me to be off my shots for 6-months while we try to have a child. My neurologist was weary for me to be off my meds but wanted me to be drug free if i became pregnant. 4-months into trying to conceive a baby I relapsed with my MS and was put back on my shots, i could not stay off of them while trying. If i became pregnant i could then stop my injections. By month 6 i was eager to get help, i was wanting to be pregnant and become a mother, for us to become parents. My OB/GYN had me run through many different tests: Blood tests, Ultrasounds, Hysterosalpingogram(to check my tubes), ovulation tests. She also had Clayton do a semen analysis. Every test came back fine, just fine… we chose to keep trying and let God decide when it was right! 2 years into trying to conceive we still were not pregnant. I was now told i’m infertile and most likely the only way to conceive would be through IVF. However, my doctors(OB/GYN and Neurologist) were urging me to go to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist for a 3rd opinion as to if having our own child is the best option. I met with the specialist and was told that with what my OB/GYN and Neurologist has told him about my history I should think about adoption or surrogacy. It was my own decision on to whether or not to have a child naturally but would not be able to go off of my MS medication(they can be harmful to the fetus and most are not tested on). Clayton and I do not want to play Russian Roulette with our child. He explained that with the stress of IVF treatments, and carrying the child he is nervous that my day-to-day level of function would deteriorate. He looked me in the eye and asked, “Do you want to be able to play with your kids, walk, or care for them?” Of coarse i do! We made the toughest decision in our lives so far, but came to the conclusion that God has a child for us somewhere and when we meet him or her I will be healthy enough to care for them like he/she deserves!! My health is very important to me, as is becoming a mother. Please, do not think i am choosing myself over a child with Clayton, he agrees 100% with the decisions we have made. Adoption is God’s plan for us, i can feel it in my heart! If there are any questions I would be happy to answer them! ❤
Welcome to our blog! This blog is about us and our journey to complete our family with a baby boy or girl <3!! Please feel free to comment, like and share this page with your family and friends! We are just starting out on this journey and are excited and nervous to see it unravel in front of us! We are also excited to share our journey through this with our family, friends, and whoever may stumble on this blog!
Clayton and I met on the internet on a dating website. From the moment we wrote back and forth, and then started texting, we knew there was something special happening between us! We took things slowly just getting to know each other. We would spend hours talking on the phone or texting one another. Our first date was to Falls Park in Sioux Falls and from there on we were inseparable. We became “official” on June 20th, 2010. During this time we got to know each other even more, and fall in-love with one another. 3 months into our relationship Laura became ill and Clayton proved how much he loved her by driving all the way to the Twin Cities, proving he was not going anywhere. From there on their relationship only continued to blossom into what seemed to be a fairytale love story. On June 21st, 2011 Laura woke up to a ring on her finger and Clayton asking her to marry him. “I wanted you to wake up to a bright new future.” How could she not say yes? We got married on August 20th, 2012 with our families around us in Watertown, SD. We also had a vow-renewal on October 5th, 2013 with our friends and family together in one place. We were lucky enough to wed one another twice, with more love for each other as the days past.
We now are home-owners and have two amazing dogs, Lilly and Greta!! Life is great, however, we are wanting to become parents to make it complete!
Hello, I’m Laura Bowar. I am 26 years young. I am a Registered Nurse at Avera McKennan in Sioux Falls, SD. I enjoy spending time with my husband and our two dogs, Lilly and Greta. I am a very energetic and goal-driven individual. I have always had a motherly instinct and I cannot wait to welcome a little boy or girl into my heart and life! Family is so important to me, without them i would not have grown into the woman i have become! I also love to draw, spend time outside, workout, travel, and i recently started gardening(flowers and vegetables.) I am from a small town in South Western MN called Granite Falls. My parents have raised me to be such an amazing young woman, i cannot wait to pass this on to my children in the future! I know God will bring the right child into our lives!
Hi, I’m Clayton Bowar. I am 31 years young. I am a Electrician at John Morrells in Sioux Falls. I also enjoy spending time with my family. I am very interested in doing photography, woodworking, home-improvements, and spending time with family and friends. I am from a small town in Northern South Dakota called Cresbard. I love going home and helping my parents on the farm, I would love to do that later down the road. My family is such a huge part of my life, I cannot wait to become a father to a special little boy or girl!